![]() Take it for fun and let the questions inspire you to talk to your partner about passion. Note that while the scale is widely used by relationship researchers who study love, the quiz is by no means the final word on the health of your relationship. Once you see where you stand, you can start working on injecting more passion into your partnership. Hatfield, of the University of Hawaii, and Susan Sprecher, a psychology and sociology professor at Illinois State University, can help you gauge the passion level of your relationship. Where does your relationship land on the spectrum of love? The Passionate Love Scale, developed by Dr. Longer-term relationships develop “companionate love,” which can be described as a deep affection, and strong feelings of commitment and intimacy. Early on, love is “passionate,” meaning we have feelings of intense longing for our mate. The psychology professor Elaine Hatfield has suggested that the love we feel early in a relationship is different than what we feel later. Aron has found that partners who regularly share new experiences report greater boosts in marital happiness than those who simply share pleasant but familiar experiences. Whether you take a pottery class or go on a white-water rafting trip, activating your dopamine systems while you are together can help bring back the excitement you felt on your first date. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. The secret? Do something new and different - and make sure you do it together. The relationship researcher Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, has found a way. Even so, many couples long to rekindle the sparks of early courtship. No wonder we feel so energized and motivated when we fall in love!īut we all know that romantic, passionate love fades a bit over time, and (we hope) matures into a more contented form of committed love. But those same pathways are also associated with novelty, energy, focus, learning, motivation, ecstasy and craving. Romantic love has been called a “natural addiction” because it activates the brain’s reward center - notably the dopamine pathways associated with drug addiction, alcohol and gambling. If your partner is practical in love, notice the many small ways he or she shows love by taking care of everyday needs. If you learn your partner tends toward jealousy, make sure you notice when someone is flirting with him or her. ![]() ![]() Hatkoff and find out how each of you defines love. You and your partner can take the Love Style quiz from Dr. Understanding what makes your partner feel loved can help you navigate conflict and put romance back into your relationship. For her, love is possessive, and a jealous response by her husband makes her feel valued. For him, love is practical, and is best shown by supportive gestures like car maintenance. What does this have to do with love? The man and woman each define love differently. The husband feels his extra work isn’t appreciated. The wife is upset her husband isn’t jealous. The waiter flirts with the woman, but the husband doesn’t seem to notice, and talks about changing the oil in her car. Hatkoff gives the example of a man and woman having dinner. But often, two people in the same relationship can have very different versions of how they define love. Researchers have found that the love we feel in our most committed relationships is typically a combination of two or three different forms of love. Unselfish: Nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice.Playful: Feelings evoked by flirtation or feeling challenged.Logical: Practical feelings based on shared values, financial goals, religion etc.Best Friends: Fondness and deep affection.Romantic: Based on passion and sexual attraction.Terry Hatkoff, a California State University sociologist, has created a love scale that identifies six distinct types of love found in our closest relationships. When you say “I love you,” what do you mean?
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